Buddy, '19
Lettered in four sports. Does not know which. Loves everyone. Was named MVP of a game he wandered out of to say hi to a toddler.
Athletics
Go Pawladins. Fetch the Ball. Also Bring It Back.
Furrman fields 14 varsity teams in the fictional Southern Doggy Conference (SDC). Our record in Squirrel Chasing is 0 wins, 0 losses, and roughly 400,000 forfeits due to the squirrel going up a tree.
Varsity Programs
Fourteen sports, one tennis ball
| Sport | Season | Last season's record | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Fetch | Fall | 12–0 (pursuit); 0–12 (return) | Ranked #1 nationally in the first half of every play. |
| Agility | Spring | 9–3 | Tunnel is undefeated. |
| Squirrel Chasing | Year-round | 0–0–∞ | No result since 1826. Program remains fully funded. |
| Competitive Napping | Year-round | Undefeated | Feline squad. Has never shown up to a meet and has never lost one. |
| Synchronized Zoomies | Post-bath | Unjudgeable | Judges have been unable to follow the routine since 1971. |
| Laser Pointer Pursuit | Winter | 0–40 | The dot remains uncaught. Team morale is inexplicably high. |
| Lure Coursing | Spring | 7–5 | Program suspended briefly after a student caught the lure and did not know what to do. |
| Dock Diving | Summer | 11–1 | Home meets at Lake Sniffalot. The one loss was to a Labrador who is now on the team. |
| Competitive Loafing | Winter | Perfect scores | Feline. Judged on tuck, symmetry, and disdain. |
| Wheel Running (Track) | Night | Distance: infinite; displacement: 0 | Small Mammal Engineering. Sponsored by the sound of squeaking. |
| Screaming (Choral) | 6:00 AM | Undefeated | Avian. No opponent has ever agreed to a rematch. |
| Basking | Whenever it's sunny | N/A | Reptilian. Meets last several hours and consist of nobody moving. Well attended. |
| Tug-of-War | Fall | 6–6 | Every match ends when both sides refuse to let go and fall asleep. |
| Counter Surfing (Club) | Dinnertime | Classified | Not sanctioned by the SDC. Not sanctioned by anyone. Extremely popular. |
Recent Results
Scoreboard
Furrman vs. The SquirrelOak Grove · Saturday
0–1 (tree)
Furrman Fetch vs. Upstate ObedienceHome · Pursuit phase
W 12–0
Furrman Fetch vs. Upstate ObedienceHome · Return phase
L 0–12
Furrman Napping vs. EveryoneDid not attend
W (by default)
Furrman Dock Diving vs. Lake SniffalotThe lake put up a fight
W 9–splash
Furrman Laser Pursuit vs. The DotLiving room · Overtime
L 0–1
Spirit
The Pawladin
Furrman's mascot is the Pawladin, a noble knight clad in tinfoil armor and armed with a tennis ball on a stick. The Pawladin has been portrayed by a golden retriever named Buddy since 2019, and by Buddy's father before that, and by Buddy's grandfather before that. Buddy has never once made it through a halftime show without leaving to greet someone in the stands.
Home games are held at Sniffalot Stadium (capacity: 4,000, or 40 Great Danes). Tailgating begins at dawn and consists of everyone eating everyone else's food.
Our fight song, "Bark, Bark, Furrman," was composed in 1924 and has been performed at every home game since, mostly by accident, whenever the doorbell in the press box rings.
Bark, Bark, Furrman
(to a tune everyone hums differently)
Bark, bark, Furrman, fetch the ball,
Bring it back (or not at all),
Chase the squirrel, up the tree,
Purrple, gold, and victory!
Sit, stay, Furrman, good and true,
Who's a good school? Yes, it's you!
Howl it from the Tower tall:
BARK, BARK, FURRMAN, FETCH THE BALL!
(Cats do not sing the fight song. Cats have never sung the fight song. Cats are on the roof.)
Hall of Fame
Legends of Pawladin athletics
Beans, '15
Competitive Napping. Undefeated over four seasons. Never attended a meet, a practice, or a class. Retired jersey hangs in the sunniest window of the gym, where Beans still sits on it.
Captain Fluffernutter, '09
Squirrel Chasing. Career record: 0 catches, 11,400 attempts. Holds the school record for consecutive days spent looking up. Currently coaches; team still 0–0.