I came to Furrman not knowing how to bring the ball back. I still don't. But now I understand why, and honestly that's worse.
🐕
BiscuitSenior, Fetch & Retrieval Sciences
★★★★★
Testimonials
Don't take our word for it. Take theirs. They're very good.
Every student, alum, and human quoted below is fictional. Several of them are asleep. One of them is HELLO.
Current Students
Voices from campus
I ran for Student Body President on a platform of more treats. I have delivered zero treats. Politics is hard and the Treasurer is a cat.
🐶
MochiStudent Body President, Corgi
★★★★☆
The Escape Artistry program is unparalleled. I'm writing this from inside the wall. Please tell my human I'm fine and that I have the charger.
🐹
Nugget Jr.Junior, Cage Engineering (location unknown)
★★★★★
I sat on the dean's keyboard during my thesis defense. They gave me the degree just to make me stop. That is what a Furrman education prepares you for.
🐈
DuchessValedictorian, Applied Apathy
★☆☆☆☆ (she rates everything one star)
HELLO. HELLO. Would recommend. HELLO. The 6 AM seminar changed my life and the lives of everyone within two hundred yards. HELLO.
🦜
Gerald IISophomore, Avian Communications
★★★★★
I don't remember attending, but my diploma says I did. Five stars. Wait, what was I saying? Oh, a castle!
🐠
BubblesClass of '22, '23, '24, '25, and '26
★★★★★
Wheeking 101 taught me to hear the refrigerator from anywhere in the building. I now receive bell peppers on demand. I have never been more powerful.
🐹
PepperFreshman, Guinea Pig
★★★★★
Enrolled in Tank Escape (SNEK 210) in the fall. Have not been seen since. Reviews are hard to write from inside a shoe but the course delivers on its promises.
🐍
NoodleWhereabouts unknown, Corn Snake
★★★★★
I have taken Basking 101 for six consecutive semesters. I am still on the rock. It is a good rock. I have no notes.
🐢
Sheldon Jr.Sophomore (since 2014), Box Turtle
★★★★★
Alumni
Where are they now? (The couch, mostly.)
I attended zero classes and graduated with honors. This is the only institution that has ever truly understood me. I will not be donating.
🐈
Princess Fluffington IIIM.F.A. '18, Feline Apathy
Every year I come back for Howlcoming. Every year they still won't let me in the dining hall. Every year I try anyway. That's what Furrman taught me: persistence, and where the dining hall is.
🐕
Sir Reginald BarksworthB.F. '12, Alumni Association Vice President (self-appointed)
My Juris Dogtor prepared me for a career in property law. My first case: the shoe. My argument: I licked it. Verdict: mine. Undefeated.
🐕🦺
Atticus Finch (a beagle)J.D. '20, Bone Law
Squirrel Studies gave me purpose. Not results. Purpose. I have been looking up at the same oak tree for nine years and I have never been happier.
🐕
Captain FluffernutterB.A. '09, Squirrel Studies; Head Coach, Squirrel Chasing
The M.B.A. program taught me strategic barking and quarterly reporting. I now run the household. My human believes she does. This is called management.
🐩
Coco Chanel (a poodle)M.B.A. '21, Barking Administration
I lettered in four sports. I don't know which. Everyone's a winner. I love everyone. Is that a toddler? I have to go say hi to that toddler.
🐕
BuddyB.N. '19, Napping; Mascot; Hall of Fame
Humans
Parent & Support Animal reviews
My dog came home with a degree in Fetch and twelve treats' worth of student debt. He still doesn't bring the ball back. The debt was in treats, so I paid it. I don't know what any of this means.
🧑
A Confused HumanGreer, SC
The Cattery is single occupancy with absolutely no visitors. I have not been allowed to see my own cat since move-in day. She seems happy. I am told she seems happy. I have not seen her.
🧑
A Cat's RoommateTravelers Rest, SC
Our parakeet took the 6 AM Screaming seminar. He got an A. We live four miles from campus and we also got an A, in the sense that we heard the whole thing.
🧑
Neighbors of the Aviary SuitesSomewhere near Paris Mountain
Reminder: Furrman University is a parody. Nobody quoted on this page exists, nobody has enrolled anywhere, and furrman.com is not affiliated with Furman University or any real institution. The pets in your life are, however, very good, and you should tell them so.